Permission for Joy
Do you ever ask yourself; how can I feel joyful when there is suffering and sadness all around?
I often wonder if it’s okay, or if I have permission, to have joy when there is struggling near and far, from strangers to loved ones to friends—regardless of the time of year.
Sometimes joy feels like an ill-fitting sweater when those close to me might not be in the same space. I have friends going through tough times and family members navigating health challenges. Add in conflicts like the war in Ukraine, the fighting between Israel and Hamas, and devastating weather events, the list of negative events and reasons to feel sad and worried never seems to end.
Recently, I finished a powerful and insightful read, The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World, co-written by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, with author and narrator Doug Abrams.
Published in 2016, it captures a week-long event when the Archbishop visits the Dalai Lama in Dharamsala to celebrate friendship and the Dalai Lama's birthday. In great depth and complexity, they discuss how to live with joy in the face of struggle, stress, anger, despair, and sorrow.
In the first part, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop share their teachings on joy, informed by their extraordinary life experiences and wisdom. The second part blends science and joy and the other aspects of life they believe are necessary for lasting happiness. [1]
They also identify eight pillars to having joy in life, separating them into two categories—four of the mind and four of the heart. Perspective, humility, humor, and acceptance are the pillars of the mind. Forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and generosity are of the heart.[2]
At the risk of oversimplification, because the topics in the book are layered and complex (concepts that I will continue to unpack and study), I learned it's okay to have joy. And we should have it, even during personal challenges or those of others.
We can do this by accepting that suffering is a reality of life.[3] We can influence its effect on ourselves by adjusting our attitude to it. While we may feel despair, having compassion towards ourselves and others will bring us joy. And, if we view ourselves as part of a connected web of humanity rather than apart[4], and bring forth our compassion, gratitude, and generosity (three of the eight pillars), we will have joy.
Joy isn’t about blissfully ignoring suffering or sorrow. Life is teeming with dualities, and we will all benefit by not denying ourselves or others joy. In the chapter on generosity, the Archbishop profoundly says:
“It helps no one if you sacrifice your joy because others are suffering. We people who care must be attractive, must be filled with joy, so that others recognize that caring, that helping and being generous are not a burden, they are a joy. Give the world your love, your service, your healing, but you can also give it your joy. This, too, is a great gift.”
If you've ever struggled with this question, I hope this perspective helps you, as it helped me.
Wishing you joy every day, not just this season.
[1] Introduction of The Book of Joy
[2] Days 4 and 5 – The Eight Pillars of Joy
[3] Days 2 and 3: You Are a Masterpiece in the Making
[4] Chapter: Despair: The World is in such Turmoil